Communication Skills

Die. D-I-E. Describe, interpret, evaluate. 

I love game of thrones. I’m a writer. I write for film, TV, books and comics. I come from a writing background so, to me, game of thrones is more than entertainment. It’s actually a significant part of my life. It’s 8 years of fantasy drama that have accompanied me through ups and downs. It’s something I aspire to create.l myself. It’s something I respect. It’s something that’s gonna stay with me with me for the rest of my life. Its also something that was spoiled to me today on a whim by some idiot who can burn in hell.

Hold up, rewind. I should take that back right? After all this article is about communication isn’t it? I shouldn’t be calling someone an idiot, much less one that burns in hell. I should know better. Right? Yes. I should and in fact I do. Still I sometimes let emotions get the better of me. I become victim to my waterfall, which means nothing less than: I have buttons and if you push them you get a certain reaction. Spoil game of thrones to me and you are an idiot that shall burn in hell... And that’s the censored version, of what transpired that evening Why am I telling you this? Because too many motivational speakers and trainers take a superior approach of condescending behavior when it comes to enlightening the lesser. At least that’s how the 21st century of constant social media self improvement and coaching appears to me. So that’s why I’m telling you that I just condemned someone to hell on the simple fact of spoiling my favorite TV show. Because I’m not better. I’m a emotional human being. I know better and I’m equipped to share that knowledge but it doesn’t mean I act in it 24/7. Nevertheless, I’m the guy who just wasted 3 minutes of your time to write to you about proper communication. Bear with me, we’ll get there... Let’s switch up the formula here. Maybe you don’t watch game of thrones (you should), maybe you have different triggers, because everybody has them. How about that time you came home and dishes weren’t cleaned? That time the room you just cleaned was a mess when you got back home from whatever stressful thing you were doing ? That time the food you’d been anticipating all day long was eaten by your significant other. Your brother. Your parent. Your dog.... I don’t care and I think you get the point:

We get triggered. We get angry. We condemn people to hell. Ok no maybe that’s just me, but we say things we don’t meant and we don’t take them back because we want to be mean. Next, we regret. We apologize. Sometimes... At the very least we tell ourselves that this won’t happen again.

How can we break that cycle. Let’s take this back to my friendly barbecue turned game of thrones life changer, literally hours before I put pen to paper (or thumb to touchscreen in this case) to write this:

“Please don’t spoil game of thrones, I haven’t watched the newest season yet”, I said to the 6 people in attendance.

“No problem. Everybody knows that Xyzy will xyze

Yzxy,” the man now slowly roasting in hell responded. Cue laughter. If you didn’t guess, xyz etc are code for character names and actions. Code for spoilers. My response? “#$&% #$&% you %#$&%” If you didn’t know, that’s code for things your mother told you not to say. That’s also two friendly vodka cranberries turned angry. ‘Hey Mr. Communication Coach, what went wrong there? “, I hear you ask. I failed to die. What? I failed to die. You’re not making any sense. Die. D-I-E. Describe, interpret, evaluate. I did none of that. Instead I became slave to my waterfall. You remember? My automated reactions. Dirty dishes = you never do anything around the house. That’s a waterfall. Preprogrammed triggers that result in ready to go reponses. In my case the code was as folliws: When Amidu says he doesn’t like spoilers, he’s really not kidding. When he does hear a spoiler, he raises hell. Now, how was the spawn of Satan ruining my favorite show supposed to know that? Maybe because I told him ‘no spoilers please’? You’d think so, yes, but he decoded the message in an entirely different manner... Let’s look at the various thought processes that might have taken place. Let’s look at the ‘D’ in his die, which is what he deserves after... I digress... Let’s look at his d, the way he might have described my action: